harvey is 6!!!!!!

today my baby boy turns 6.

last night harvey came out to me on the couch and asked if i could hold him like i did when he was a baby, and just like when he was tiny, he fell asleep in the crook of my arm as a i rubbed his ear. it's been ages since he's done that, and it was perfect. 

the days of harvey's babyhood are long gone, and childhood has long-past begun. the baby of our family feels less like a baby each day that goes by, and the memories of that tiny fuzzy-haired infant in a carrier is only found in old photos and dusty posts. i mourn those days we'll never have again, even though i love what the last 6 years have brought, and can't wait to see what he becomes as he gets bigger & bigger.

harvey loves watermelon, youtube, wearing multiple shirts at once, keeping his hands in his pockets at all times, and slicking the front of his hair down a-la-kate gosselin. 

he's lost 2.5 teeth and counting.

he's obsessed with jude, even when jude is less than obsessed with him. 

he still thinks churros are chicken-flavored.

he prefers shorts to pants because "pants make [him] look like a manager."

he hates attention, pranks directed towards him, and being corrected. 

harvey is still spoiled, curious, and asks way-too-poignant questions for his age.

he was my first child to yell, “f**k you!” and as a new york baby, i was equal parts impressed and utterly horrified.

we're head over heels with this kid.

happy, happy 6th birthday, harvey penn:)

happy 2nd birthday, harvey penn!

his pale skin and light, wispy hair remind me he's still a baby. his little conversations and fast legs and strong opinion remind me that he's not. i watch him stand between his older brother and sister as they argue, and see his little eyes glance back and forth, and back and forth again, as he takes in what it means to be a sibling. a kid. a legitimate member of our family and the world. 

he insists on walking everywhere. he knows just where our favorite chinese restaurant is, and the dunkin donuts. he knows how to get to/from the kids' school. and the way to the subway. and where the bus stop is. the highlights of his morning are hearing jude come down the steps, and then bring him a bowl of dry cereal with a "fowk" to eat in bed, tied with watching the "dah-bage twuck" on the street below. he loves when it rains because he gets to bring an umbrella. and because that means endless dirty, dirrrty puddles to stomp through. 

he's obsessed with chicken- any kind- but mostly chooses to pick the chicken out of my salads at sweetgreen, or bowls at chipotle. he eats pasta until we remove it from his dirty red little paws. he loves dinnertime, sits a the table with the rest of us on a very specific chair, and usually takes me into the kitchen, and says, "start dinner!" when he's hungry in the afternoon.

he was potty trained until we went to utah and now he's taken a HUGE step backwards and it frustrated the #*$% out of me because we worked so hard. but that's another story for another day. 

he loves going to the gym everyday because he loves the sitter there, angie. he talks about her like a family member. 

he has the most hilarious dance moves- like not normal kid dance moves- he moves his head in a figure-8 pattern and points his fingers in the sky. where does he get this stuff? 

he loves balls and buttons and balloons, and questions all beeping sounds.

he's still sleeping in our bed, but mike and i don't care most of the time because, again, holding on to this babyhood situation for now.

*a few pictures from the day before, the walk to the hospital, and the day after our little man was born... including this one from when harvey was exactly 25 hours, when we picked up elle & jude from our friends' who were watching them at the park, right after we dropped our hospital bags, grabbed the ergo for its inaugural spin, and walked to the park!

happy 1st birthday, harvey penn!

back when we "just" had 1 and then 2 kids, our bed was a no-fly-zone for children. elle and jude have spent ZERO nights in our bed. zero. something happened with harvey- i mean, i know what it was- desperation. months of no sleep and i basically would sleep in the dishwasher if it meant more sleep. needless to say, he's in our bed. he's up every 90 minutes still, so it makes the most sense to remain in a daze than it does to get in/out of bed and walk 2' to his "room" by the other kids and get him. also, he's such a light sleeper, jude's sleep-talking and elle's squeaky top bunk always wake him up. it's not a battle i feel like fighting, so we're going for the path of least resistance. for now, he's with us.

except when he naps- he naps on the couch. or on people, like our poor sitter who comes when i go to photo shoots, in which case he sleeps on her.

he's always touching someone. always.

it could be worse. i mean, we are in the land of zero personal space, so whatever. it's just spilling into all aspects of my life. people. touching me. all the time.

but when he sleeps? harvey, well, he likes to be spooned. i want to remember that- that he likes to be spooned. he also loathes being covered. no blankets, ever.

---

the sun rises & our apartment is perfectly light & bright by 6am this time of year- our walls are white and we have 6 windows in our main living space/bedroom (we leave all the blinds open all the time).

every so often (ok, it's happened, like, twice in the last 6 months), i'm awake before harvey in the morning. by awake "before," i mean he's fallen asleep after his 6th or 7th feed of the night. it happened again the other day- 1 week before his 1st birthday- it was a monday. i stared at him. i tried to take it all in. i took pictures, but of course they do no justice.

peach fuzz along his perfect little ears;

chunky, long legs;

dried morning boogers;

clasped hands;

baby cleavage coming out the top of his stretched-out white onesie;

pale, transparent skin;

twitching eyes under his eyelids;

pursed lips.

---

sirens are blaring outside- they usually are. beeping trucks and honking horns and hoses from doormen and bodegas. those hoses. usually there are a handful of men spraying off the sidewalks- the spray tackles the smell of dog pee in the morning- i love the spray. it's a welcome sight, sound, and mist after a long winter with yellow snow and piles of semi-frozen dog poop.

i've noticed when you walk by, handymen never make eye contact. sometimes i say "thank you" as i pass because they usually pause the spraying. but new york isn't an overly chatty, friendly city. we skip those nuances. kind of like elevators- it's this unspoken etiquette. just don't talk. literally. don't talk. 

---

there's so much to take in. kids- particularly that first year- they rock your world. it's just such a high level of concentrated change. like, changes i'll never remember- changes to my body, my life, my temperament, and that's not even considering how much has changed for this person. this human who was an actual stranger living in fluid 365 days prior. 366 days before, you want to know. want to know it all. what will he look like? will he be healthy? will we know each other? what will life be like? can i do this? 

nothing will be as easy as loving this kid was this first year. harvey has changed every member of our family for the better. hands down, he's the sweet frosting on the most ridiculous petersen cake of chaos.

here's to a hundred more birthdays with our tiniest new yorker. 

(see harvey's full birth post here.)

harvey penn.

harvey penn petersen

may 28, 2017

3:25pm
7 lb. 7 oz., 20.5"

harvey's birth story is waaaaay down, below all the photos from his first 24 hours...

harvey’s birth story 

(written 6/2/17)

it’s 75 degrees outsite, elle is at school, jude is on his bed watching at least his 4th hour of who knows what on the iPad in the tent mike made him. mike is resting on the couch, and harvey is miraculously sleeping in his crib. my eyes are heavy and my contacts are dry. i sit here for the 4th time today wondering who it is that actually gets to “nap when your baby naps-” i don’t think i ever have in 7 years. i’m exhausted, hormonal, overwhelmed, but so happy. i can’t believe how perfect harvey is, and what a perfect addition he’s been to complete our family. he’s incredibly beautiful, sweet, and his presence has been such a relief to my soul. i feel like the knowledge that i’ll never have this again is making me appreciate the moments a little more. i’ve been slacking on the chores, i’m slower replying to text messages and phone calls, i’m ignoring normalcies more than i usually do. i’ve held harvey more than i probably should, and feel like i’m breaking all the “rules” i firmly set with elle and jude. it was an internal battle to get up and start typing this- his birth. i know it’ll take more than 1 sit-down session (i’ve already been interrupted twice in 3 minutes), but it was so wonderful i feel like it would be a total disservice to not document our story.

it’s no secret i wasn’t a huge fan of my obgyn. at my 38 week appointment i told her i had been up the night before with contractions 8 minutes apart for over an hour- i debated going to the hospital at 1am, but as i got ready, they stopped. disappointed, mike and i went to bed, and i woke up the next day with only residual pain from all the cramping, and frustration. she told me bluntly, “if you’re in labor you’ll know it.” i kept active and did everything i could think of to get him out on his own- i had an induction set for the night of may 30th, but i really didn’t want to wait until then, and at that point, i didn’t even want her delivering the baby. i was hardly sleeping, and another bout of close contractions kept me up all of friday night into saturday morning, and saturday night into sunday morning. as i walked our halls in silence at 2am sunday, sobbing, exhausted at an entire lack of sleep for who-knows-how-long, i told mike i was past my breaking point. i was feeling so much pressure; my stomach was rock hard, and my body was starting to get all tingly. emotionally, i was done. as the sun came up i decided i would make a call to the doctor and just see what the on-call ob said. fully expecting her to tell me to suck it up for 2 more days. she called me back, and as i told her my frustrations she calmly, eagerly said, “oh, hun, just come in! i’ll meet you at the hospital. you’ve done this twice- i trust you, and your body. you’re close enough, let’s get him here already!” i hardly hung-up the phone before the sobs began. we packed up our bags, got the kids ready for church, and headed out the door at 8:30. 

we arranged to meet friends outside our church building just before 9- the kids would go to church with them and play at their house for the day. we walked together as a family. it was quiet and 60 breezy degrees outside. after the kids went inside, mike and i walked the remaining blocks to the hospital.

labor & delivery triage was quiet. it was memorial day weekend. they told us they were expecting us. they told us our timing was great- friday had been busy, and tuesday would be slammed. they monitored the baby for a bit before the doctor came in and said she had officially admitted us- i breathed the biggest sigh of relief. then, we were brought to our official labor & delivery room. the window looked uptown. mike stared out the window while i got situated. it was 10:30. the nurse gave me my iv, and the anesthesiologist gave me my epidural. they started me on a bit of pitocin and we waited…

at 2:00 i was only at a 4.5 (i arrived at a 4), so the doctor broke my water. immediately she said, calmly, in her thick accent that the baby had pooped- the water was dark- it was at least 24 hours old. she told me that was likely why i had been contracting, and she was glad i followed by instinct to come in- if i had waited until tuesday, “it may not have been good.” i interpreted the worst, and spent the next hour(s) incredibly concerned for our little baby. i could tell the nurse monitored his heart rate a little closer, and i prayed things would start speeding up faster. 

3:00: i was dilated to a 7. our nurse went on her break, and the doctor said she’d come back in an hour. within just a few minutes, i started feeling pressure, and called a nurse in. quickly, the doctor returned and announced that i was a 10, and this baby was coming fast. they paged the pediatrician to come quickly. she had me do a test push, which turned into a real push, and after 1 “real” push and 2 half-pushes (so she could more closely monitor the miconium situation), she had me look down and see our blonde baby born just before 3:25. 

he was here. screaming. perfect.

they scooped him up a minute later, and the pediatrician came running in to confirm all was well- which it was. miraculously. 

we spent the next couple hours in the room with the sun shining in. our nurse came back from break, shocked he was born while she was gone. the only name we had was harvey- which worked out well since he immediately looked like a harvey. his sweet apricot face was old, wrinkly, and hairy. he looked sweet. and sounded strong. 

the recovery rooms are shared in nyc, but i was excited to get to my room and see it was empty. i got the bed by the window, with the most amazing view downtown- the world trade center in the distance, and everything in between. mike went to get the kids at dinnertime and brought them back to meet harvey. elle was the first person we told his name to- she smiled. she held him first. both kids were amazing with him. 

mike & the kids left for the night (which i hated- i've never done this without mike!);  i kept harvey with me in my room. mike and i talked on the phone and both watched 'the bachelorette.’ i tried to doze off with the tv on, until just before midnight when all the lights flipped on and a cleaning lady announced that a roommate was on her way- she came, along with her family and new baby. i didn’t sleep much at all- harvey choked a lot throughout the night. they took him around 1am to get checked. between he and i, and the roommate and her baby, it was constant commotion. 

monday (memorial day) we had to do a little sitter shuffling, so harvey and i snuggled until mike came in the early afternoon. my awesome nurse helped us get ready to check out right at the 24-hour mark- meanwhile, the pediatrician on-call and the doctor who delivered harvey cleared us both to be discharged. harvey rode in his first taxi home, followed by his first ride in the ergo when we walked to river run to meet the kids (who had been playing with the friends). 

mike took the rest of the week of work, and it has been incredible. i didn’t realize how much his physical presence would mean to me. we tried to get out each day on little walks and adventures since the weather was perfect- the park, times square, bryant park, chick-fil-a, joe's pizza... only the most random of things.  friends stopped by to bring treats and meals and meet harvey. the first couple nights home from the hospital, i found mike on the couch at 4am, rocking and talking to him. it’s been hard to balance the needs of a 7 and 4-year-old, and a newborn, but with mike’s help it’s been totally doable. the kids never stop talking, and are incredibly needy, but i’m trying to be as patient as mike:) harvey is already an unbelievable blessing. i'm constantly almost in tears as i see him grow and change- like he should! but it's hard to watch this sweet little squirmy, jumpy, squeaky newborn calm and settle and focus his gaze...

harvey penn, we are SO thrilled to have you here. 

xoxo