every read that book?
substitute "alexander" for "the petersen's..."
...oh, i really do love these two! 
This was initially an
“I am so excited to be a mom this mother’s day,”
but in the last 24 hours it turned into an
“I swear I’m not cut out for this ‘motherhood’ thing... I love my mom more than ever before. How did she do it with me? I need to go thank her for putting up with me…”
type of post.
First, how cute are Mike & Elle? So cute.
Now? I am going to whine like a pansy…
Thanks to my cool-as-a-cucumber husband for being such a rockstar at night. Our little Elle has never gone more than 10 straight days of sleeping through the night. We think she’s on a roll, then something always happens. After 8 weeks and antibiotics she is finally better (sinus infection), but that newly found health was only to be followed 4 near-sleepless nights.
Elle woke up the first time last night at 10:48 (30 minutes after we went to bed). Desperate, we decided to swaddle and give her a bottle. Over the next 3 hours, we got up another dozen times to put in her binky (she’s not a huge fan anymore, but it’s a distraction that sometimes works)… At 3:45 she woke up screaming.
We tried everything.
Finally we tried to once again, let her cry it out. After over an hour and a half of screaming we gave up. I was positive the police were going to roll up at any moment. I threw a bottle in Elle’s crib just after sunrise, we pulled the covers over our heads, and tried to go back to sleep for 45 minutes before going to work.
My sweet mom came to our house this morning so we could sleep for that little blip of time. Thanks, mama.
Throughout the night I...
Cried my eyes out.
Yelled at my husband in frustration.
Sang, “I Love to See the Temple” at least 30 times while wailing, “Why won’t you sleeeeeepp?”…
I cry because I envy those of you who don’t have a screaming baby during the night.
Then I cry more because I feel like a jerk whining while others of you had colicky babies!
We’re the only loonies in Utah who have their A/C on when it’s 25 degrees outside at night. Open windows mean noise. Noise means Elle wakes up easier. Swaddles mean she gets hot. Heat means we need cold air. See the cycle? Round and round we go.
I’m pathetic, huh? I. Need. Advice.
Elle has been a lame-o sleeper during the day for quite some time (she averages two, thirty-minute naps each day). Because of our work schedule she’s up at 6AM, and usually hits a wall around 7PM when we start her bedtime routine. We still swaddle her because whenever she wakes up and isn’t restrained she immediately goes from her tummy to her knees to her butt, and is sitting as she wakes up. It’s very odd. Needless to say, that is NOT good whenever she gets started during the night and ends up completely awake! We were thinking this would be a good time to just go cold turkey and stop swaddling, but now I’m not so sure!
Can we pay someone to sleep-train our kid? Any takers?
She’s not eating much. A lot less than she used to, but she’s not acting sick! She always dozes when she eats. The minute you remove the bottle she wakes up. I’m also fairly positive she isn’t teething.
Because we’re always out and about on my days off, I learned to time errands so she can catnap while we’re in the car. Great for errands. Not so great for her to get used to sleeping in a crib. This poor kid is just not used to sleeping without being restrained!
I swore I would accept letting her cry it out, but I’m really at the point where I don’t think it works for Elle. Really. I don’t think it works. I am a dedicated person who believes it’s a great idea… but not for my kid. I have tried at least a dozen times, but crying just wakes her up more and more! She refuses to give up. She cries a minimum of an hour or two each time, and the second we break her routine, we have start all over! It’s a vicious cycle. A loud and vicious cycle. She is a stubborn child with quite a temper (I know, I know, just like her mother).
Help? Please? Something must get better because most of you have more than one child. How do you do it? How? I had no idea this was such a repetitious process. At least when I was struggling with nursing/formula it was a black & white decision! I chose. I’m happy. We moved on. This? It just never seems to end. One day I’m sure I’ll look back and laugh. Probably because I forgot how dreadful the sleeplessness is. How comatose this mama & papa are. All I say to myself is, “this too shall pass…” and it does. In the mean time? I’m goin’ crazy.
Elle? For mother’s day can you just give us sleep?
I love you & your cute squishy cheeks.
Just sleep, will ya?
Have you read any books? If not I would suggest
ReplyDeleteBaby Wise
Healthy sleep habits happy child
Baby Whisperer
I want you to know that you are not alone....I feel you, sometimes I up with both of my kids or ones wakes up then an hour later the other. I dont think the sleep things never ends. Trey wakes up because he has a night terrors...not every night but still. Porter is the same way as Elle....he will not give up! I have always thought that if they are crying that much something is wrong.
I she on solid food?
Do you have a noise maker? Or a lullaby?
These things have been life savors for me.
She at LEAST should be napping for 1 hour for you at this age, sometimes 45 min during the day. It sounds like to me something was wrong at night...have you heard of Gripe Water? It is a life savor too.
Sinus Infection opens a lot of doors for me. Trey had one and it seemed like it never went away and he did not sleep through the night until he was 10 months old but that is just because of our Magnetics. I am not trying to sell you anything but the night we got it he slept for 12 hours straight and then slept great ever since then....you can not plecebo a baby so. Anyways have you taken Elle to a Chiropractor? I am not sure if you believe in them or what not but I know they can really help as well.
I Hate to say "you need to do this or that" every child is different. Your a great MOM Mandy and do not forget that. I know how you feel... helpless at times and you just want to cry...go ahead and cry girlfriend--- but just know that their are MOMS that feel the same way and that our going through the same things.
I hope this helps!
Let me know.
I heart you!
ker
PS--you can just facebook me!
You're really not the only mom to feel terribly under qualified. I definitely still feel that way. There are so many things that can change patterns. Brynnlee is getting one tiny little tooth, and it has thrown us all off our schedules. I don't have any great advice, but when you are awake, I may be too. It's hard, and I'm sorry!
ReplyDeleteWhen you find out a trick for sleeping through the night PLEASE let me know. Dax still won't. I have yelled more in the wee hours of the night than the rest of my life put together, which is not good because mike knows how much I yell. I let dilon cry it out when he was a baby. It was literally 3-4 hours the first night. 1-2 the next few nights and then it finally worked. I don't have the heart to do that to another kid so I guess I will just keep getting up several times a night with dax. Good Luck! give elle a kiss for me.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Elle just loves her mommy and daddy so much she craves every waking moment with you! Your a smart person and I know you have tried a lot of options.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion is that she may have gas pains. The best thing for that is a few ounces of warm water to break down the gas. You can also try putting her on your sleep schedule. Jaycie went to bed when we did, 11pm sometimes, until she got older. Also, we feed Jaycie a ton before bed so she wont wake up in the middle of the night hungry.
Good luck! Keep us posted on what works for your little bug:)
This post makes me tired!!! I am so sorry! I have no advice, because all kids are so different. But you are right... this time will pass! Hang in there until then. I'd love to help with anything you need. I can send over a meal so you can sleep instead of cook! ;)
ReplyDeleteThis sounds JUST LIKE OLIVIA! She started sleeping through the night at one year old!!! One year of no sleep!? My parents and so many of my friends said crying it out works like a charm in a few days. We tried it for 8 DAYS without much improvement. I read parts of Baby Wise and Baby Whisperer but it seems like you had to have started those programs from the beginning. So I read a book called, "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. Our biggest problem was that we were rocking Olivia to sleep, so this book taught us how to gently teach her to fall asleep and stay asleep on her own. Not all her ideas worked, but it was a start.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Olivia was a terrible napper. I would let her sleep anywhere as long as she would sleep! She was sleeping in her carseat a lot, in her swing, in my arms...anywhere but her crib. Eventually, using that book, I decided she just HAD to learn to nap in her crib. And it took a few months of short naps in her crib, but she did eventually start sleeping much longer and better in her crib. (However, it makes running errands not much fun) We started using black-out blinds so it was darker during the day and we used a fan that was running any time she was sleeping.
I also had to establish a very strict routine at any bedtime. A certain amount of books, a specific song, etc. Most of the time Olivia's problems were because of teething and she is apparently just a WUSS!
Ultimately, our stubborn Olivia just DECIDED to sleep through the night. I had started implementing the ideas from that book, but one day she just decided to sleep through the night and has ever since (except when she's sick or teething). So, even though I HATED this answer when I would ask others for advice, Elle may just be stubborn and hates to sleep like Olivia. Even now, it's a fight every time Olivia has to nap.
I'm so sorry Amanda. I completely understand. Olivia had every one of those sleeping problems you've described. I know how terrible it is and how tired you are. Poor Jonathan--it seems like I took a lot of my frustration out on him and I cried a lot day and night over her sleeping. I found that I really wanted to be in tune with the Spirit so I could possibly get some revelation regarding how to help Olivia. But it never came. I kept wondering why it never came. And then I read a great talk by Elder Hales (I think--it's the 1st talk at the Nov 2009 General Conference) that said that often times we don't receive revelation because we're frustrated or angry or just not in the right mind set. I know that was my problem. So my prayers changed from, "Please just make her sleep" to "Please just help me to learn patience". It was so hard--probably the hardest thing I've ever done--and it's still hard, but I'm learning a lot in the process.
I hope some of these ideas help in some way. You are a great mom and it's a good thing it affects you so much. That means you love Elle a lot. I feel for you. Keep us updated!
Wow manda (and mike) I am so sorry! I have no advise seriously I really think that some kids just struggle Gracie is going to be 3 this month and honestly in the past year she has slept through the night maybe a dozen times and she's always been that way she never napped when she was little and never slept through the night until she was almost 2 we tried different sleep methods read a few books tried gripe water we haven't tried a chiropracter yet but we might she is up anywhere from 2 to 6 times every night sometimes she comes in to tell us to cover her with her blanket I am at a total loss so if you find anything that works let me know! Fin on the other hand sleeps like 18 hours a day most of the time, so honestly I think kids just have there own personalities. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI am so so sorry! I know the feeling of no sleep and in the middle of the night you feel like you are the only person in the world that is not snug in their bed. Chloe just BARELY started sleeping through the night, but it's not always consistent. We, unfortunately, had to use the cry it out method. It took about three nights and now she knows how to fall asleep on her own (naps are a whole other story). My neighbor is up a couple of times a night with her kids and sometimes when I have to take care of Chloe I see her light on. It's strange how just knowing someone else is awake makes me feel so much better about being awake myself. Just know that you are not alone and so many exhausted moms totally sympathize. I hope that you find a solution fast! Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteWow. Yikes. When S was about Elle's age she had a week where she was up everynight almost all night screaming. I tried everything, both grandma's were even with me one night and were completely stumped. In the end all I could do was cuddle the screaming baby and cry along with her. And pray. It is so hard and so frustrating. And especially trying when you're running on little sleep.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a good mom and Mike is such a great dad (as noted by the climbing in the crib picture) - you guys will get through this. I'm sure she'll grow out of it. Just follow your instincts and ask for help whenever you need it!
The cry it out thing - it only worked for Sadie when she was about 9-10 months old and could cognitively understand what was going on. Elle just might not be old enough yet. Call me anytime! Love you friend!
LIsten...Dax was (as still is at times) the same way! There is nothing more frusterating, and Nothing that will make you a meaner mom, than not getting your sleep. Here's what you need to do, and i also need to take my own advice.
ReplyDelete1. Stop giving her what she wants (putting the binki in, giving her milk at night, swaddling her when she wakes up, etc) and give yourselves what you NEED...SLEEP! yes this is hard. Grant and I have finally put two loud, very loud fans in our room, and although he is right across the hall from us and we still hear him, we do our best to ignore it. I know it's easier to said than done, but trust me, they do not break habits unless you break them for them. We have a friend whos wife could not stand her kid waking up and crying in the night. They knew they had to do something. The Dad was the stronger of the two, so he sent his sweet wife to stay with his parents for 3 nights while he trained that baby to sleep. He let him cry it out literally and never went in there. Yes, it took hours the first week for him to fall asleep, but they were consistent and it totally worked. You have to be consistent with the routine of not getting out of bed to help your child (unless they are sick)
2. Dax is a picky sleeper, but the best thing we did for him was put a loud fan in his room to block out any outside noise. We also put dark fabric over all the windows because the boy won't sleep unless it's dark. We throw a handful of pudy's (binki's) in his crib so if one falls out, he just grabs another somewhere. It's hard not to worry about the temperature in the room but just remember, babies do NOT feel the cold like grown ups do because their nervous system is not fully developed. That is something Grant learned in school here. If she kicks that blanket off, she's going to be fine. Probably dont' run that A.C in the winter though:) Get her used to a fan in her room if she doesn't already have one. Put a towel over it in those winter months so it doesn't get too cold in there.
Once you break yourselves of getting up for her every need, you'll break her too. Just know it's not going to happen over night or even over a week. For some parents it takes consistency for 3 weeks, but seriously, you have to be consistent or it won't work and I know how hard it is to hear your precious one cry, but the sleep payoff is AMAZING! I refuse to go get Dax before 7:45 am. Sometimes he'll even sleep until 9 now. He goes to bed at 7pm. Sure he wakes up still about 3 times in the night but we ignore it and now he'll only cry for about 10 minutes each time.
There is a great book out there I have been meaning to buy. It's called Parenting with Love and Logic or something like that. I think it's more for toddlers on up but every mother who's parented with this parenting style of Love and Logic has great kids.
3. Don't beat yourself up! You're doing you're best and what you feel is right for your daughter. We all feel like horrible parents at one point or another or that we aren't cut out for Motherhood. I feel that way too often. Especially when I have to get physical with Dax, which is something I don't like to do but my patience can't take it anymore at times.
Good luck, you'll get through this!