happy 2nd birthday, jude!

two years ago at 10:21 pm jude was born.

i never thought in a million years i would have a boy. ever. we were terrified from the moment the ultrasound screen lit up, to the moment before he was born...

the second i held him in my arms, exhausted after a whirlwind day, and he stuck his little tongue out at me that was it- i was head over heels.  he's been the source of joy and pain (mostly just physical pain. usually directed at elle) and unimaginable love for each of us, and i am forever grateful to a heavenly father who knew that little boy was just what our family needed.

happy 2nd birthday, juju!!!

this fox says stop, and jude at 9 months.

hey! another random post! go, me.

i mostly want to post this for my own memory-keeping.

to note: elle and mike listened to "what does the fox say" so many times the other night that they actually memorized it. kill me now. above she's watching some random you tube thing because i'm the world's most attentive mom and let my kid do that kind of crap. ha! amazing.

now my little juju. 

he's 9 months today. 9 months! i should have dedicated an entire post to him! but again, world's most attentive mom failed at that one, too. 
jude is still our dreamboat. he's such a stud! last week while elle was at preschool jude and i sat on the couch and ate pretzels like we do. while i slid pretzel bits into his mouth- BAM! TEETH! the kid  has bottom teeth! wouldn't one assume i'd be the first to notice he'd cut 2 teeth? apparently not. finally! my baby is getting teeth! better late than never. i shudder to think of how much more/quicker he'll eat now……… oh dear. i think it's time to quit nursing once and for all while i'm at it. i've been weening for a few weeks now, but i just can't quit entirely... it's that whole $20/week on formula thing that keeps killing me. i mean, he's way too big and uninterested in me so i should just give it up completely. oh well, work in progress.

this past weekend he also started saying, "mama" (or "mamamamamamama") in full-force. i'm fairly sure he has no specific context in saying it other than when he wants something/someone, but i pretend like he does it just for me (after all, he does say it when he sees me, too). it's official: i'm counting "mama" as his first word:)

i can't believe he'll be ONE in just a few months. i can't even think about it. STOPITAMANDA! i just can't... i mean... wow.
jude is such an amazing baby that i won't even tell you how awesome he is or else i will jinx us. we all love him.

^^ determined to open that drawer. he has a love/hate relationship with drawers. no inflatable bouncy will stop this crawling-ish studman. don't you love this angle, too? he's like ginormo-baby!

^^ date night w/ just us 3 (elle was livin' it up at my parents). we shared a healthy dinner of fries & a blackberry shake, did a little mall-shopping, and strolled around the city on a perfect weeknight.

happy 9 month judester!

6 months.

oh, my sweet little jude!

i was wronger than wrong for all the fear, worrying, and negativity in my heart that existed while i was pregnant. dare i admit that tears instantly flowed when i got in my car (alone) after my ultrasound appointment. a boy!?! what will i do with a boy!

let it be known (again) that that little (now) blonde boy is maybe the greatest mini male to enter the world. 

he's just the best.

the past 6 months have shown me more about myself than i have ever seen before. jude somehow has a way of just speaking to my heart in a soft, soothing, loving, gentle way. he calms my mania and fills me with peace. he shows me love in new ways- the way elle and him interact is the most tender thing i have ever seen. oh, how i love those babies of mine!

behind my smiles are cringes during the moments when i see him learn and grow- i want so badly for time to stall... but i know it can't. and that i really don't want him to stop growing because he just gets cooler by the day... but i kind of do. selfishly. sometimes. :-/ 

i had a "moment" the other night when i went into his room for the 12th time, almost in tears from exhaustion, when i thought to myself, 'as much as i long for an uninterrupted night sleep, i'll never have this again- a little boy who just wants love. hugs and kisses and snuggles. smooth skin and baby coos without the least bit of embarrassment or hesitation or anger...' maybe it's not sooo so bad... it goes by so quickly. (ok, i really do want sleep though.)

i feel like having a second baby is so much more carefree- i worry so much less. i've learned that my heart grows bigger and more full of joy.
i feel completely inadequate and inexperienced and insignificant to somehow "raise" these kids. i know their spirits are much grander than mine, and the fact that i ended up being their mother is kind of astonishing, really.

i've loved every minute of the last 6 months.
i love jude's smile- oh, his big round-headed smile! i love his chunky thighs and ankle rolls. i desperately miss that brown hair, but adore the blonde wisps that mimic elle's when she was that small (was she even that small? where has time gone?!). i love that he looks for me and smiles when we lock eyes. i love that when he laughs he gets the hiccups (just like elle!). i love watching him roll and play and grow. i love that he eats like he's never eaten before- he's never found a food he didn't like, and the second the spoon leaves his mouth for good, he pouts and shrieks with disappointment. he rarely cries. never really. unless he wants food (but who would blame him?). he snores when he sleeps, and thank the heavens, sleeps better, in more places, and longer than his sister. he's strong and active. he's my tank of a boy (i can always count on the same response when people ask his age- first their eyes get big, then they say something like, "OH!... wow! really? he looks... older!" it happens at least once a day:) 

happy half-birthday sweet boy!

^^ among his most favorite things in life? his feet. gosh, those ticklish feet are cute, eh?

 ^^ tatted by daddy.

 ^^ trying his best to do something more with those beefy legs...

 

 

jude, you've made this family so happy! we love you!!

11 weeks>>>

i've decided that jude's first 11 weeks have been sooooooooooo much nicer than my first 11 weeks being pregnant. i was thinking about that time span- how strange it is- 11 weeks. 

it seems so insignificant and random. but so much can change in 11 weeks.

then? i was so sick. it was so hot. i was miserable. he was a, what, spec still? a spec that made me feel like poop-face day-in and day-out. i couldn't sleep. i couldn't eat. 

i seriously doubted whether or not another baby was a good idea!

i still feared losing this baby inside me.

we were getting ready to leave for europe and i was completely terrified to travel that far and be so miserable...

it's been 11 weeks since jude entered our world and totally changed everything. 

i can't say enough good about this boy.

i love him more than i could have ever imagined.

i had no idea how amazing babies could be (sorry elle. no offense:)

since he likes to wake up (again) for the day around 5am (yes....5am...), i decided to go on a little run while mike stayed in bed. jude layed there. pooped a few times. puked a few times. you know, the life of an infant. 

he cooed. and giggled. and babbled loudly. he was just in a diaper since, well, he pooped and puked through a few onesies already. 

just after i left, mike said elle came in and crawled into bed where i laid jude. not knowing mike was watching, she just played with him gently...

she's such an incredible sister. 

the two of them together are something magical i tell you.

i adore these babies of mine.

i've adored these last 11 weeks of mine. 

ps- that hairline! don't you just die? awesomeness i tell you.

my loves...

remember this? it's hard to remember elle being so tiny! i shudder to think of our little man getting older- we just love his tiny, scrawny, squishy self!