8.20.2013

6 months.

oh, my sweet little jude!
i was wronger than wrong for all the fear, worrying, and negativity in my heart that existed while i was pregnant. dare i admit that tears instantly flowed when i got in my car (alone) after my ultrasound appointment. a boy!?! what will i do with a boy!

let it be known (again) that that little (now) blonde boy is maybe the greatest mini male to enter the world. 
he's just the best.

the past 6 months have shown me more about myself than i have ever seen before. jude somehow has a way of just speaking to my heart in a soft, soothing, loving, gentle way. he calms my mania and fills me with peace. he shows me love in new ways- the way elle and him interact is the most tender thing i have ever seen. oh, how i love those babies of mine!


behind my smiles are cringes during the moments when i see him learn and grow- i want so badly for time to stall... but i know it can't. and that i really don't want him to stop growing because he just gets cooler by the day... but i kind of do. selfishly. sometimes. :-/ 


i had a "moment" the other night when i went into his room for the 12th time, almost in tears from exhaustion, when i thought to myself, 'as much as i long for an uninterrupted night sleep, i'll never have this again- a little boy who just wants love. hugs and kisses and snuggles. smooth skin and baby coos without the least bit of embarrassment or hesitation or anger...' maybe it's not sooo so bad... it goes by so quickly. (ok, i really do want sleep though.)

i feel like having a second baby is so much more carefree- i worry so much less. i've learned that my heart grows bigger and more full of joy.
i feel completely inadequate and inexperienced and insignificant to somehow "raise" these kids. i know their spirits are much grander than mine, and the fact that i ended up being their mother is kind of astonishing, really.

i've loved every minute of the last 6 months.
i love jude's smile- oh, his big round-headed smile! i love his chunky thighs and ankle rolls. i desperately miss that brown hair, but adore the blonde wisps that mimic elle's when she was that small (was she even that small? where has time gone?!). i love that he looks for me and smiles when we lock eyes. i love that when he laughs he gets the hiccups (just like elle!). i love watching him roll and play and grow. i love that he eats like he's never eaten before- he's never found a food he didn't like, and the second the spoon leaves his mouth for good, he pouts and shrieks with disappointment. he rarely cries. never really. unless he wants food (but who would blame him?). he snores when he sleeps, and thank the heavens, sleeps better, in more places, and longer than his sister. he's strong and active. he's my tank of a boy (i can always count on the same response when people ask his age- first their eyes get big, then they say something like, "OH!... wow! really? he looks... older!" it happens at least once a day:) 

happy half-birthday sweet boy!

^^ among his most favorite things in life? his feet. gosh, those ticklish feet are cute, eh?
 ^^ tatted by daddy.
 ^^ trying his best to do something more with those beefy legs...
 
 
jude, you've made this family so happy! we love you!!

2 comments:

  1. Oh my heck I want to squeeze him all the time. Seriously, anytime you need a babysitter ship them both this way.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful post. And adorable baby!

    ReplyDelete

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