ready or not, here (it) comes...

before going to bed on new year's eve (yes, it was still new year's EVE:),
mike & i had our usual "girl talk."
i like our chats.
2011 was nearly over. it was a good year, really! we were very lucky. our lives were incredibly consistent. no high-highs, or low-lows. it was the most stable in all of my 27 years. we had the same jobs & house. our little family grew another year older. we traveled. we played. the year had more emotional challenges than ever before, but they were the kind that settles on anyone at a certain time in their lives.
we knew we were lucky. we watched those around us struggle. we prayed for them, and gave thanks for all that we were blessed with...
although we are grateful, we kind of went to sleep with a bit of a pit in our stomachs.
has that ever happened to you? you feel too "ok?"
this feeling that impeding doom (or at least strokes of bad luck) is almost certain to come. it always does.
such is the way a rollercoaster rolls.
the last time we felt "something in the works," we woke up and learned that mike's job was over. the baby in my pregnant tummy was struggling. so was i. blegh.
i hate it. i hate those moments.

flash forward 20 hours.
we were eating a new year's dinner at my parents, and within 2 minutes, 2 heaps of sadness were thrown on us.
it was already starting! really? this was the stuff that keeps you up at night with sadness. heartache. more tears for other's pain.
it is the sadness that puts life into perspective- makes events of years past feel like they happened yesterday.

i'm not afraid of the challenges, in fact, the more i've thought about the coming 364 days the more i've realized that whatever will come will be right. we will grow just like we need to grow. we'll learn. life will change. it's just life. that's what life does.
change is on the horizon, and it is welcome.
(she says with one eye open.)  


  1. I hope everything is okay, Amanda! I love your words though- it sounds like you have amazing perspective.

  2. I too know this feeling all too well! My mother-in-law has a plaque at her house that says "you never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have". I love this - and it makes me feel incredibly weak knowing that I'm not strong all the time -- yet-- but there are people that have to be. I don't know where i'm going with this -- other than to say we can all be strong. I hope everything is OK.

  3. Ugh. This has been me the past few nights--lying awake, feeling anxious, don't know why. But I really like what Becca (above me) said about being strong when you have to. I'm learning that!

    I clicked through from Nat the Fat Rat, and I love your blog! You are the cutest family! Stop by reverie. anytime and say hi! :)


  4. Amanda, I hope everything will be alright. I'm a true believer that everything happens for a reason. You may not be able to find it now but one day you will.

    Becca, I love that saying. I want to get a plaque that says that!


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