10.01.2016

my girl is 7!!!!


i tried to search back through my old drive and grab pictures of elle from when she was born, and her first few years, but the more i dug, the sadder i felt! i forget what life was like back then- life before elle, and during those first 3 years before jude was born. i'm not sure if it's time passing that is throwing me, or if it's the sense that life seems as different between then (2009), and now (2016), as it was between when i was a kid and when i was married. we're talking completely different.

as i dropped elle off at school earlier this week, and she ran off with hardly a goodbye, my heart hurt. it hurt that i'll never have a sleep-averse, fuzzy-haired little girl again. i felt tremendous guilt that i didn't/don't do enough. that i didn't/don't know enough. i could have, should have, been a better mom for her. some days (hours/minutes) are so hard, but, at night when the house is quiet and i see perfect lips and dreaming faces, i feel like everything is right in the world. how are they so peaceful? so good? so forgiving? how is that big sister- that beautiful big blonde girl- my little baby elle?

i realize how hard i am on her sometimes- i need her so much! i need her patience, and her example, and her love to be shared at all times!! then i remember she's just a little girl! a good, good little girl. she's my helper, and my sidekick. she's my extra set of hands. that little girl is the kindest, sweetest, most sensitive, motherly little soul- in fact, she has more mother in her than i do in me. 

she is silly. 

she is strong. 

she is sensitive. 

she is the most perfect girl that could have been given to me, and i can't imagine anyone else making me a mother. 

elle, i'm so in love with you! we're so proud of you. 

happy 7th birthday, elle belle!

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