4.21.2013

chip off the ol' block...

when jude was born i was not sufficiently prepared for what was to come- for some reason, i expected all the newborn neediness. the sleeplessness. the stress of whether or not to nurse. the fear of starting over- would i even like having a son? did i have enough love for this new little boy? i thought i was set since i'd gone through all of this once before- the first time no one warned me of the horrors post-pardom... 
but this time? i was ok. 
let's do this!!

unfortunately, no one warned me of the uproar would fill my home in the form of a tiny, blonde beauty. i had no idea how hard this would all be on elle, or that so much anger would be directed toward me.
she hits. she kicks. she spits. she blatantly ignores. she acts out. the other day? she peed all over the floor in preschool. peed! right there in the middle of the room! (oh my gosh, the horror and embarrassment. she's been potty trained since, like, 18 months! what is happening!?) 
it's probably a combination of the age and the addition of a baby who's rocked her world, but it's been so hard.
is it pathetically selfish to say that i'm struggling with this more than anything else? 
there are days i just cry. (i know, i'm so on top of this motherhood thing, aren't i?)
usually, i'm in one room crying, while elle's in another. 
post-door-slams. 
and exasperated sighs: "uuugggghhhhhhhhh!!
(poor mike, right?)

 sometimes i stare at jude and thank the stars that he can't scream, "i hate you!" yet. his mildness and peace and giggle is heaven-sent as i/we learn to navigate this adjustment.

so... what is one to do!? ignore? discipline? love more? it seems like no matter what i try, it's short-lived... but, i will say this past week we had 2 good days in a row. maybe, just maybe, after 2 months, things are on the mend?

sometimes when she's super expressive, happily telling me a story, i stare at that mischievous, naughty, silly face and realize that her "uuugggghhhhhhhhh"'s she screams in exasperation sound a lot like mine...
she's emotional. and sensitive. and dramatic... and frustrated. 
i realize that she's probably just a chip off the ol' block. 

is this what life will be like when she's a teenager...?
(eek.)

oh, and mom? i'm sorry :-/
(good things she's cute:)

4 comments:

  1. Oh Amanda, I'm so sorry! My sister went through the same thing with her kids and it took a while for her first to stop asking if they could take the baby back to the hospital... Time was really what it took, so hang in there! And you're right, good thing she's cute!!

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  2. Okay, now I am officially not having any more children. :) I'm sure it will get better soon! I wish I had advice, but I am pretty much useless. But golly, she is so cute! Too bad she and Weston are related, or I would totally arrange their marriage.

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  3. Beautiful girl, STUNNING pics! I'm sure it is a phase that will have you laughing in the not-too-distant future! Right??

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  4. Oh boy, sooooo not loooking forward to this. Drake is already a stinker so I'm scared of what this new baby is going to bring. :(

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